What a weekend! I’ve spent approximately 20 hours stuck on trains; with both outbound and inbound journeys from London to Glasgow being heinously delayed by issues on the track. Nevertheless, we made it to the wedding of a close friend of mine, which was gorgeous and mostly wholesome, and which I hope to write about on another occasion.
In the meantime, I have a challenge for any readers who are looking to deepen some of their relationships with their close friends. A few years ago, during a lockdown I believe, I was asked by Lisa Smosarski and Alix Walker to write a love letter to one of my closest friends, which I was then tasked with reading aloud to her on their podcast.
You can listen to the episode (and the rest of the series!) here.
Reflecting back on the letter, and what it felt like to write it — it struck me that even though I think that I have relatively loving relationships with my friends, we rarely go deeper than ‘love you, bye’ in terms of affirming the depth of our feeling. It’s not common to write love letters to your mates, and I remember feeling quite vulnerable in having to verbalise my emotions.
But I’m so glad I did. I would say that our relationship has deepened and expanded since we shared this moment, and I would encourage you — dear reader — to seek to do the same.
To get you started, and based on my own experiences of writing this type of letter here’s some inspiration:
Your first memory of meeting the person. What did you like about them at the beginning of your relationship?
The moment in which your friendship deepened. What shared experiences have you had that you really value?
Something which you see in them that you suspect they don’t realise they carry, whether that’s kindness, humour or something else entirely. What aspect of their personality do you most admire?
And finally, think about what’s next for your friendship. Where do you hope your relationship will go?
The trick to writing this with authenticity is imagining what you would say if they were never to read it. In your first draft, you can be your most vulnerable, soppy self. After that, you can decide how much you feel comfortable actually sharing. And if you do send it, you can always blame it on me.
Also: a good little fun thing which I have done since I was about 15. FutureMe is a website that allows you to send emails to your friends / family / whomever in the future. As you can see in the screenshot, I wrote one to one of my (thankfully still) best mates in 2009 when we were 16, which arrived four years later on her 20th birthday. Writing a love letter to a friend that will arrive in the future is very fun and extremely cringy!
In any case, for more inspiration, you can read the (far more recent) love letter I wrote to my dear friend Natalie — a legend, a genius, one of the smartest and kindest people I know — below. It’s not an amazing piece of writing, but it came, very much, from the heart.
Dear Natalie,
I don’t remember the first time we ever hung out, but I do remember that you were always kind.
In our high school playground, under the shadow of the Fettes academy, you complimented my hair, and made friends quickly and easily; a shapeshifter from Granton, on the outskirts of Edinburgh, who moved between groups and was sometimes seen with her little brother and sister in tow.
Many years later, when our friendship solidified, I remember going to your house after school one day and doing an impromptu photoshoot in wigs and brightly coloured clothing. From there, hanging out at school and studying together progressed naturally to partying at the weekends, weird and wonderful nights out and the odd sleepover with our other best pals.
Our friendship has always felt easy, to me at least, and that’s what I love about it. You carry few expectations apart from that trait, kindness – and consideration. It meant that even though sometimes our comms have ebbed and flowed, we’ve always managed to be there for each other when it mattered. You’re the type of friend I want all of my other friends to meet because I know if they get to know you, they’ll love you too. Somehow you always know the right thing to say to people, or they just sense that you genuinely care.
You’ve always worked so hard. At least two jobs when we were getting towards the end of high school, if not three. I worked just a few shops down from you and I’d come and see you on my lunch breaks, standing behind the counter at Semichem. I don’t think either of us necessarily predicted in those early days that our hard work, and our studying, in particular, would lead us thousands of miles away from home. I was very happy when you decided to move to London for uni too and remember so clearly the two of us wandering around Greenwich with our mouths open. Imagine, you got a whole law degree from that magical campus!
“You’re the type of friend I want all of my other friends to meet because I know if they get to know you, they’ll love you too”
As two mixed-race girls growing up in Scotland, I’m glad we found each other, and so glad that both of us, now, have been able to go back to our ‘roots’ – you to Nigeria, and me to Jamaica, with you, in 2016! I think Jamaica will always hold a special place in our hearts. We had so much fun, partying on the beach, making friends with funny tourists (let’s be honest, you’re the one who made all the pals), eating so much jerk chicken and finding hidden waterfalls in Kingston. And girl, if you genuinely decide one day you want to build a house there, I will HAPPILY come and visit each summer.
I am unbelievably proud of you for so many things: for creating an independent life for yourself under tricky circumstances, for travelling the world, for looking after the people you love, for holding down jobs that sound complicated and sometimes stressful, for making some of the bravest decisions I’ve ever known a friend to make. What I want you to know is that you will always have a family member in me; you are the sister I never had and you are so loved!
Thank you for being my friend, Charlie x
i love writing love letters to my friends! even if i am not extremely close to them, i think they are a good way of getting closer to someone. i also write them every few months and it’s amazing to see how the content changes as the friendship evolves/as we reach different stages of our lives. i also find that the more you write them, the more you receive, and as someone who is a huge words of affirmation person, it’s always lovely 🥰
This is such a sweet idea. I already love that I tell most of my girlfriends that I love them, but to go beyond that and write a letter is really soul sister territory