The Companion 014: All grown up
Had I made up the bond we had, or was it real?
Hello from a sunny island in Fiji! This holiday is one of the most blissful I’ve been on thus far in a life well travelled — and it all began with a message from a friend who hadn’t seen in half a decade. He messaged me out of the blue in January of this year, telling me that he had been in the Caribbean, indulging in some mild mind-altering substances, when our friendship sprang to mind.
We had met when we were, respectively, 16 and 17, on a five-week expedition to the Peruvian Amazon jungle. He is one of those people, whom I personally come across very rarely, who I view as soul-friends. We just got on, and on this expedition, which was both the bravest and hardest thing most of us kids had ever done, we needed each other. We were away from our parents for the first time, homesick and sometimes in danger. We looked after each other: he saved me from disappearing down a manhole, and I brought him water and medicine when he was struck down with illness during our jungle trek.
“On this expedition, which was both the bravest and hardest thing most of us kids had ever done, we needed each other”
In the most platonic way (despite the picture above, this is very much not a Past Lives type of story — excellent film though), I thought he was one of the most hilarious, brilliant people I had ever met — sweary, sarcastic, witty, organised, and just a little moany about the conditions of our trip, like me.
Coincidentally, on another expedition to Costa Rica a few years later, he met my now long-term boyfriend about five years before we crossed paths. Serendipitous and all that.
So yes, when he messaged me to say that he was thinking of me, that he now lived in the US, was married and had a son I was both shocked and ecstatic. I knew I needed to figure out how to visit. Enter: Fiji. My boyfriend and I had wanted to visit the country together for a few years — half of his family is Indo-Fijian and we thought it could be a culturally important trip. And as it turns out, some flights from London to Fiji do a stopover in the city where my old friend now lives. I extended out the stopover by a few days and went to stay.
“The aspects of his personality I had forgotten were probably exactly why I had remembered him so fondly”
It could have been awkward, but it wasn’t. I have written before about failed attempts at reconnection with old friends. But my friend is talker in the best of ways. He loves telling stories, asks good questions and is incredibly emotionally intelligent. He's the type of person that when you describe a life situation to, they immediately get it, can see through the layers of unnecessary explanation that you usually have to bring into conversation with other people.
These were aspects of his personality I had actually forgotten, but are probably exactly why I had remembered him so fondly. He and his partner were the most beautiful hosts. We went rollerblading, bouldering, to a comedy night, ate too many pints of ice cream and just generally caught up on each other’s lives.
And his son, I should say, was actually a damn dog! Not me fully expecting to see a wee baby. Thankfully I had asked him before I arrived (and before I started buying gifts) how old he was, and he said, “Oh, we’re not sure, he’s a rescue.” The dog was cute, though.
There was a moment when we were sat next to each other, both tapping away on laptops, and I looked over at him. And it almost made me cry because he was so grown up. The last time we had properly spent time together, he was an innocent young thing, and now here we were with our proper jobs, adult concerns, broken and mended hearts. I felt sad about all that I had missed, all the stories and corners of his life that I couldn’t know. But also very grateful to have been able to reconnect and for it to have felt so seamless.
The bond that we had made in the rainforest as teenagers had stood the test of time.
Have you ever seamlessly reconnected with an old friend? Tell me about it in the comments!
Want to know what communal living is really like? Read my latest “Friend Requests” column for Stylist.
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While this isn’t exactly a response to the question you asked, I recently got to hang out with a friend I made over the spring while studying abroad in London. At that time, I really liked his personality, and despite us having NOTHING in common except an econ class, we really clicked. We became study buddies, but I realized I only knew him through our study breaks and how he acted as a student.
Two weekends ago he came to visit me in Washington, DC. We spent an entire weekend together, no studying, and did all sorts of activities and talked for hours. It was a completely new context and I got to unlock elements of his character that I never realized he had, and saw how amazing of a person he is. We may not be the closest of friends (he’s not a vulnerable person), but I think he is definitely a soul friend.